Just for laughs!

bugman

Super Moderator
#1
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

###################################################
###################################################

A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control.

####################################################
####################################################

Top ten reasons to be a statistician

Estimating parameters is easier than dealing with real life.
Statisticians are significant
I always wanted to learn the entire Greek alphabet.
The probability a statistician major will get a job is > .9999.
If I flunk out I can always transfer to Engineering.
We do it with confidence, frequency, and variability.
You never have to be right - only close.
We're normal and everyone else is skewed.
The regression line looks better than the unemployment line.
No one knows what we do so we are always right.
 

Dason

Ambassador to the humans
#2
A professor hands out a pop quiz and announces to the class that they have exactly 5 seconds to complete the quiz. Of course this sends the class into a frenzy and many of the students are outraged. They look down and their professor gave them a distribution and asked them to compute the mean, standard deviation, kurtosis, and skew of the distribution. "How do you expect us to do this in the matter of 5 seconds!?" the class shouts out. The professor replies "My dear class... the problems only require a few moments!"
 

SadieKhan

TS Contributor
#11
1.Two random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.


2.You can always TELL a statistician,

But you cant tell him much!!
 

Dason

Ambassador to the humans
#16
A rabbit goes into a bakery and asks "Have you got any carrot cake?" and the baker answers that no, they don't have it. So the rabbit hops away. A week goes by, the rabbit enters the bakery again, same question, again the baker answers no. Another week and again the rabbit enters the bakery and the scene repeats itself.
Finally, a week later, the rabbit gets to the bakery and says "Have you got any carrot cake?" and the baker proudly says "Yes! I made some just in case!" then the rabbit makes a face and goes "Yuck, I hate carrots" and hops away.

Also: I moved the thread to Non-Statistics Topic because it doesn't really have much to do with stats.
 

gianmarco

TS Contributor
#19
"do you like statisticians?" "probably".

A statistician is a mathematician broken down by age and gender.

How do you save a drowning statistician? Take your foot off his head. (Oh, sorry, that should be how to save a drowning lawyer.)

Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail? He now has zero degrees of freedom.

Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes? Lack of fit.

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.

Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation.

Statisticians do it with only a 5% chance of being rejected.

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

:D
:wave:

Gm