*Love the Motherland, Love Statistics*In Life

Some mock me for doing statistics

Some loathe me and statistics

Some don’t understand what statistics are

Why is it that statistics

Put a calm smile on my face?

Because of statistics I can solve the deepest mysteries

Because of statistics I will not be lonely again, playing in the data

Because of statistics I can rearrange the stars in the skies above

(by Chinese statistician Wang Jiaowei [translated],

The Wall Street Journal, September 26-27, 2009,

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125390923281341865.html)

**TABLE OF CONTENTS**

*****Romantic

*Love the Motherland, Love Statistics*by Wang Jiaowei

*Dissertation Blues or Why I should have paid attention in stats class*by Peter Flom

*I've designed a great experiment*

*And collected all my data.*

*I've no idea what it all means*

*I'll get to that stuff later…*

*Me and my buddies did a few studies*by Roy Baumeister and Dianne Tice

*We wish we could acknowledge*

*A fancy research grant*

*But since ours was rejected*

*Unfortunately we can't…*

*Outliers*by Ulric Lund

*Outliers we dread,*

*But luckily they're few…*

*Three Haikus*by Smith College MTH190 spring 2005 and spring 2010 classes

*Found correlation*

*Careful, it's not causation…*

*Hiawatha Designs an Experiment*by Maurice Kendall

*Hiawatha, mighty hunter,*

*He could shoot ten arrows upward,*

*Shoot them with such strength and swiftness*

*That the last had left the bow-string*

*Ere the first to earth descended…*

*Some Studies That I Like To Quote (song)*by James McCormack

*Guidelines made me feel so happy I could die*

*I told my patients it was good enough*

*To lower glucose make them unconscious*

*I put my 95 year-olds on a statin…*

*Statistics / La statistica*by Carlo Alberti Salustri, alias Trilussa

*Do you know what statistics is? A thing*

*that’s used to record a general tale*

*of the newborn people, those with an ail,*

*the dead, the imprisoned and those marrying…*

*Statisticamente Honky Tonk (song)*by Vincenzo Patrumo

*I love statistics and also I’ve been studying it for a while*

*But there is something I still don’t know*

*Something so unexplainable…*

*Regression to the Mean [Critical Thinking]*by Andrew Porter

*If something varies normally between two far extremes,*

*It usually swings back naturally to values in between.*

*From sport to crime and illnesses, we see this common theme,*

*An effect we call, statistically, ‘regression to the mean’…*

*Statistics Song (Original)******

by AverageAtBestBand

*In my advanced placement statistics class, this passed full year*

*I have learned a lot of things you really need to hear*

*I know you might not understand these feelings deep inside*

*But we should be binomial so we need to collide…*

*The Medical Advisor's Lament*by Guernsey McPearson

*What's the use of statisticians*

*When you need to make decisions?*

*All they do is drive physicians*

*Slowly round the bend…*

*Valentine's day statistical poems******

by Elissa Brown

*H0: All is lost, our love is not mean to be*

*Ha: Oh happy day, you really like me…*

*It ain't necessarily so (song)*by Michael Greenacre

*It ain't necessarily so,*

*It ain't necessarily so*

*That for models to be formal*

*Errors have to be normal…*

*Real Math******

by Scott Schulz

*The meter is running:*

*A measured stare,*

*A moment of reckoning.*

*I assay a smile…*

*Two limericks*by Peter Flom

*A frequentist fellow named Smith*

*Kept silent (he pleaded the fifth)…*

*A statistics haiku*by Peter Flom

*Avoiding diSASters*by Peter Flom

*SAS can be a powerful tool,*

*But misapply it, and look a fool…*

**Meditation on Statistical Method**

by J. V. Cunningham

*Plato, despair!*

*We prove by norms*

*How numbers bear*

*Empiric forms…*

**Bayesian versus Frequentist song**

by Corrigan Brothers

*Toor a loo*

*toor a listics*

*this long running spat*

*in the world of statistics…*

*Nociones de Estadisica (Statistical Concepts)*by Leopoldo de Luis

*Statistics is a princess of blue ice*

*that slides by circles of metal calculations*

*and drags gently to her cold domains...*

*The p-Value Song*by Michael Greenacre

*Statistics, logistics, cladistics seem to me*

*To have a common theme scientifically*

*Economists, biologists with PhD degrees*

*They all need some proof of their theories…*

*Ode to Biostats*by Elizabeth Arend

*To the left? To the right? There must be a skew!*

*Should have paid attention to that math review.*

*Now I find myself lost in stats,*

*Clinging to each word spoken in class…*

*Confidence Interval - an Epic Poem*by Daan van Schalkwijk

*'My dearest people, oh my people'*

*The High King sighed in his high hall,*

*'Oh, how my heart desires to know you,*

*But could I count you? Not at all!'*...

*The Generalized Linear Model*by John K. Kruschke

*Straight and proportionate, deep in your core*

*All is orthogonal, ceiling to floor…*

*The Garden's Forking Paths*by John Schmidt

*TWO paths diverged on a garden lane,*

*And knowing I could pick either one*

*And still seem science-y, saw my gain…*

*Beyond Average*by MC Skule

*Do you find yourself asking, What is the point of stats?*

*Is the time spent learning it worth it just to pass a class?*

Well there’s this thing called data, it has characteristics

Well there’s this thing called data, it has characteristics

*And making data make sense is the power of statistics...*

*Statistics*by William Butler Yeats

*'Those Platonists are a curse,' he said,*

'God's fire upon the wane...

'God's fire upon the wane...

*Each Canadian Statistician (song)*by Jeffrey Rosenthal

*Each Canadian Statistician*

Follows in the same tradition

We’re on a very special mission

To treat our data nice!...

Follows in the same tradition

We’re on a very special mission

To treat our data nice!...

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