Statistics Poetry


TS Contributor
by Peter Sprangers

Come with me and we shall go
a place that only n has known

a kingdom distant and sublime
whose ruler is the greatest prime

a land where infinite sums can rest
and undergrads shall take no test

a place where every child you see
writes poems about the C.L.T.

where cdf's converge to one
and every day is filled with sun.

where we can jump time's famous hurdle
and watch Achilles beat the turtle

and every stat plucked from a tree
is, without proof, U.M.V.U.E.

where joy o'erflows the cornucopia
in this, the land of Asymptopia.


Active Member
My Cat And Me (ballad of identifiability)

Oh! My cat, my cat and me
sing this song of identifiability

For if the mathematician
cannot fit a solution snug
there the statistician
must also shrug


Active Member
Beware the Bayesian (an epic tale in 3 parts)

Part One: A villain appears

Through the smog and slimy hollows
Creeps an evil fiendish fellow
whose heart is cold,
and beliefs are prior,
he throws small children
into fires

with skin of scales,
teeth like knives
god forsaken,
no-ones friend
he is the terrible Bayesian

he'll skew your posterior
and make your intervals incredible
he treats the family
pet as edible

hell hurt your sister
he steals when he borrows
He gobbles all your bytes
with his monte carlos

There is but one
who can save us
from this sophist
look there, now cometh
the noble


TS Contributor
Data Science
by Baba Brinkman

Data Science
Data Science

Academic classical statistician, sit down and listen
You’re about to witness the power of algorithms
Linear regressions is suckin’ us into a recession
Interpretability is dead, the gold standard is now prediction

Please, you think ‘cause a method is new, it isn’t bad?
Everything about your “big data” movement is a fad
All you have is a glittering enigma wrapped in a complex riddle
Nothing but a black box with lots of little knobs to twiddle

I’ll take a black box that delivers accurate answers
On any question you can ask it, from genetics to cancer
Over a transparent box we understand that’s “interpretable”

With tractable math…

Yeah, too bad it doesn’t work so good though

Algorithms are just another kind of statistical inference
That’s fine. You’re advocating scientifical ignorance
You’re like the Wizard of Oz in a balloon, floating over the earth
"Come back!"
“I can’t! I don’t know how it works!”

Here’s how it works: data goes in, predictions emerge
Talk to Mark Zuckerberg if you really question its worth
Forget it, stay bottled up in a college and data model
I’ll solve problems, drive an Audi, and date a model

Data science, we predict the outcome
And if you see it's workin’, there’s no need to question “how come?”

Statisticians, we want it precise
How is it “science” if you can’t explain your model designs?!?

Data science, we don’t want it basic
Life is complicated, the original “black box” is nature

Statisticians, reveal how nature functions
All I need is a model with articulated assumptions
Is that too much to ask from a data analyst?
Show your work!? That’s basic practice, but they can't handle it
Move fast, break things, it just isn't right
Not at the expense of parsimony and scientific insight

You got it backwards, pops, scientific progress
Is a step-by-step process from simple to complex
Quantum physics comes after Newtonian mechanics
And classic statisticians never discovered exoplanets

You’re the one with the model backwards, son, you got distracted

We get results!

Yeah, with no thought for the causal factors

Tech investors keep earning, algorithms keep churning

But it’s a shallow journey if only the machine’s learning

We’re learning, never doubt that, data science is about facts
And if it catches mice, that makes it a better mousetrap
Statistics is either gonna get with artificial intelligence
Or it’s gonna lose in the data battle for relevance

Well if that’s your position, then I'm a converted mathematician
First, check if it works, and then unpack the algorithm
With statistical methods; that’s just more for us to perceive
Just don’t lose sight of the random forest for the trees

Data science, we predict the outcome
First check if it's workin’, and then question “how come?”

Statisticians, we want it precise
How is it “science” if you can’t explain your model designs?

Data science, we don’t want it basic
Life is complicated, the original black box is nature

Statisticians, reveal how nature functions
All I need is a model with articulated assumptions

Data Science...



From the album Bright Future.

Last edited:


TS Contributor
Excerpt from Under Which Lyre
by W.H. Auden

Thou shalt not answer questionnaires
Or quizzes upon World-Affairs,
Nor with compliance
Take any test. Thou shalt not sit
With statisticians nor commit
A social science.

The complete poem can be found for example here.


Active Member
Ill take a dump
upon a stump

ill take a leak
beside a creek

one thing i won't
do anywhere
is run a yates-corrected


TS Contributor
by Shakil Ahmmed

Statistics deals with information.
It can predict about population.
Population is big, we take sample.
Saving time, it makes survey simple.
In statistics math is the soul.
Taking right decision is the goal.
Everywhere statistics play a role.
Often data is presented drawing pole.
Statistician job is very cool.
Computer is their useful tool.
If we consider best business job;
Statistician is staying at the top.
Demand of statistician is very high.
Because they are the smartest guy.
Yea;it's true. If ask,"why?"
They can explain without shy.

শাকিল আহমেদ

পরিসংখ্যান তথ্য নিয়ে কাজ করে।
এটি জনসংখ্যা সম্পর্কে পূর্বাভাস দিতে পারে।
জনসংখ্যা বড়, আমরা নমুনা নিই।
সময় সাশ্রয় করে, জরিপটিকে সহজ করে তোলে।
পরিসংখ্যানর আত্মা হল গণিত।
সঠিক সিদ্ধান্ত গ্রহণই এর লক্ষ্য।
সর্বত্র পরিসংখ্যান একটি ভূমিকা পালন করে।
প্রায়শই ডেটা লাইনে অঙ্কন করে উপস্থাপন করা হয়।
পরিসংখ্যানবিদের কাজ খুব দুর্দান্ত।
কম্পিউটার তাদের দরকারী সরঞ্জাম।
আমরা যদি সেরা ব্যবসায়ের কাজ বিবেচনা করি;
পরিসংখ্যানবিদ শীর্ষে রয়েছেন।
পরিসংখ্যানবিদদের চাহিদা খুব বেশি।
কারণ তারা সবচেয়ে স্মার্ট লোক।
হ্যাঁ, এটা সত্য। যদি জিজ্ঞাসা করেন, "কেন?"
তারা লজ্জা ছাড়াই কোন বিষয়কে সুন্দরভাবে ব্যাখ্যা করতে পারেন

Last edited: